The Thought in Jealousy

I think it's kind of cute when a guy is being all jealous BUT only in the right amount. Cute jealousy and being possessive are like completely 2 different things.

Cute jealousy are like.. 

• 'so, you said he is cute w/ bangs, how about me? am I cute w/ bangs?'
• 'I want a hug too!!'
• 'aww...you are going out w/ your friends this weekend? I want to spend time w/ you'

Those are kind of cute..

But, cute jealously can only go so far before it turns annoying and becoming a "back off" situation.

Just being random..

Xo for now,

-Na-

In Between..what else is new?

I feel like all my life I've been put in between people that I love and it is the hardest position to be in. All the while, I always always try my best to be the mediator and I'm still not used to it and honestly if I could, I would rather not be in this position. But hey, I know God put me here for a reason, so it's ok. :)

In my family.. well yeah, let's not even talk about that part. But it's just never end and it's the hardest position to be put in between my parents and my sibling. Truth be told tho, the only thing I can do is just eat it and rant about. I can't pick a side, ok, maybe I won't. Meh.. forget it.

Now between friends, I usually avoid it as much as possible. NO, I won't be that friend that hate my friend's hated person. See, if you are my friend and you hate A, NO, DO NOT expect me to hate A because of you. Unless there is a reasonable VALID excuse, but if it's only just because you don't like A for no apparent reason or some dramas then leave me out of it. I'll still be your friend and A's friend and if either of you have a problem w/ it, then, oh well too bad, you both don't need to be my friend. This girl don't need no drama in her life.

However, something happened just now. It may not be a big deal but it is for me. So I posted something on facebook and tagged a close friend, D on it. Later, another friend of mine, T-well we used to be so close but distance makes a difference I guess? But anyway, I still care about T.
Basically, T is one of my gay friends and no I don't care what anybody say, I care about him. To be fair, I don't care about your preference, as long as you are a good person, you treat other people right, who am I to judge based on his preference? Even God doesn't judge any of us and gay or not, he is God's children too.

So anyway, T was saying stuff about that company on my post hates gay people and he got a little heated up about it.
Now, on the other hand, my close friend, D-well I just don't want any confrontation shows up on his page is all and I dunno taint his reputation?! LOL! He probably doesn't care but I somehow do. I don't know how D's friends feel about it and all. I probably made a big deal out of nothing, but I felt like I was put in between and I had to decide what to do.
After a nice warm shower.. LOL! I decided to send a message to T and tell him that I have to delete his comments because I don't want D's page to get any heat. I said it in the nicest way possible, I even said sorry. I was kinda worried, because T is a little sensitive and I don't want him to get upset. But, guess what?! it's all good! T messaged me back and he totally understands. I guess as long as you are being honest and considerate and do everything in love, it'll all be fine, huh? =)

Well I'm glad! =)

'Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong. Do everything in love.' ~ 1 Corinthians 16:13-14


Xo for now,

-Na-

The Thoughts in The Snow

As you may or may not know, I'm probably one of the few people that's pretty happy about this snow. Why do I love snow when most find it meehhhh?! Here is a list..XP

• it's nice and cold! LOL! don't roll your eyes! I love the cold! PPHHHBBTT!
• it's white and pretty, ok maybe not every where but if you look at the bright side, it is white and pretty, ok?! HEEE..
• it's fun to play with, could be a nice, cute outdoor activities w/ the loved ones. haha..

Here is the most important one for me..
I find it very calming and those footprints we left on it kind of remind me of our lives.
Remember that saying.. 'some people come into our lives and leave footprints on our hearts and we are never the same.'
Yup! snow kind of reminds me of that. The white snow on the ground is just like the pure hearts and our foot prints on it..well the footprints on the heart.
Every time we walk on it, though the footprints will be covered w/ more snow, they will "remain" there. Same as how we/people are in others/our lives. We/they came into people's/our lives, whatever we/they do, it'll affect the other people/us, it'll leave footprints.
And just like how it is walking on the snow, be very careful where we step our feet on.. we might slip, we might hurt those people's hearts.

A little cheeseball? oh well too bad.. I'm kinda a cheeseball sometimes.. n I do enjoy some cheeseballs! LOL!

So let's make some great memorable footprints. =)

Wish I've someone to play w/ me in the snow right now! Hmph! :T


Xo for now,

-Na-

Big Baby..

I'm tired, drained, and beat up.. I so wanted to be a big baby today.
But I'll stop now and I'm gonna go rational everything that has happened like I usually do. LOL!
It sucks that everything happened all at the same time, one after the other. But you know what, I'm sure God knows I'm a big girl and I can handle myself w/ His guidance and of course through the helping hands of those people He put in my life.

Am I simpleminded? LOL! Someone just called me innocent last night..which was kinda a "huh?" moment for me. But hey, if being simpleminded/innocent means problem will not be as hard.. I'll be simpleminded, that's cool! LOL!

Everything happened for a reason.. There is a reason why God put us through some stuff, why He put some people in our lives.

Yup, I'm gonna go w/ that.


I'm a big girl.. I can handle myself.. I just need a hug I guess..


Xo for now,

-Na-

Rational/Emotional

I used to think I'm a pretty rational person. But now I realized, sometimes it is hard to be all rational when it's involving a lot of other people.

Something happened..not gonna elaborate. But I have to choose between being the me that can just easily cut people out of my life or being the other side of me that put other people's feelings first.
Honestly it's not that hard for me to cut people out of my life especially since I've that "care list". In my almost 27 years of life.. dang!!! I will be 27 soon!!!! SMH! LOL! So yeah, I cut 7 people out of my life. After all, "it's either you are in or you are out!"(Tim Gunn's reference-lol).

Anyway, all those people, usually it's only the relation between us 2, so it's dang easy.. strike! you are out! But now I'm faced w/ a situation where what I will or will not do could easily affect other people.
I'm trying to rational all the facts and consequences but somehow at the end, I always ended up w/ "it'll hurt their feelings". I would care less if it's only the 1 person that created the "situation" (haha..the situation.. jersey shore!lol!), unfortunately, it'll affect other people those aren't even involve in the matter. They have nothing to do w/ the situation but they would get the consequences.

I think I said this before, but you know that method of, "maybe I'll make them don't like me instead" crossed my mind. I know it's so wrong and unfair to them but I would rather be the one that got hurt instead of hurting others. I mean 1 person being hurt is better than 6 people, right? No, not trying to be some kinda "martyr" here but I don't know.
Actually, a good friend said yesterday, "if you don't tell them anything, you will ended up hurting them at the end. It's not your decision what they would or wouldn't do for you." Along that line. Before last night, before this situation, I actually did say that to myself. You know sometimes people have that question "what would you do if you know you will die tomorrow?" You know what I have in mind every time? No, I've never share this with anybody ever. BUT, I'm not good w/ goodbyes, I just can't handle all the emotions. So, my answer to that question was, well I will spend my time as much as I can w/ those people I love, then when it's time, I would just walk away and disappear. In part of my head, it is best for them instead of being all sad about it. But then, the other side of my head was like.."u are being unfair to them! maybe they want to be there for you, be your support and want to spend THEIR time w/ you. You are being selfish because you get as much as them as you can n w/o them knowing you will just disappear." YEAH! I converse w/ myself all the time. LOL!
To think about it now, it's almost like our Christian lives, you can't just take, take, take. Take all the blessings, take all the prayers, take all the fellowship from other people. We have to give back too in order for our Christian lives to grow. In the same sense, you can't just give, give, give either.. I guess everything just needs to be balance. Hmm.. yeah.

Then another that was brought up by my friend was "either you choose the loner path or you choose to share w/ those people you care about". Honestly, I chose the loner path all the time, I would rather not share my problems w/ people if I can handle them myself, well in my head at least, I think I can. Tho at the end I would get annoyed by stuff. Like, a long time ago, someone said something like "why don't you ever spend money on yourself? live a little! or, it's just $30, it's not a big deal-something like that". I almost snap and would love to say "you don't know where I'm coming from, you don't know my struggle, actually you don't know anything about me! don't say stuff like that.. If you think $30 is nothing then, why don't you pay for it!". BUT I didn't say that, I took a step back and realized, well they didn't know anything about me, coz I don't tell them anything, it's not their fault.
In my defense, I was like, well it's not your fault either, it's your life, it's your choice to tell or not tell it. You don't owe anybody any explanation.

You know what, this is why I avoid feelings and emotions! me no like! lol! But hey, God put us through something for a reason, right? maybe it's to help myself grow or maybe it's His mission for me to help the other party grows. Whatever it is, I know He will guide me through it. N eventually we will all get over it. ;)

Eh, eh.. I'll come up w/ a decision soon.. the one that hopefully won't hurt either parties.. =) Maybe it's true that the truth will set us free.. we shall see.


Xo for now,

-Na-